Face the Truth, You Cannot Do it For Them
The decision to use drugs was the addict's own. Therefore the choice to stop will be the addict's too. This is a hardbound rule that any experienced drug counselor knows from long observation. Until he or she puts in the considerable effort required to begin to undo what damage they've done to themselves, no amount of pressure or love, tough-love or soft- love, will make any difference in rescuing the addict.
This does NOT mean that friends or family are powerless to help. It just means that we can never correct the situation for them. In many ways we can help them make the decision to change, but then it's up to them to do the heavy lifting.
Here are a few points to keep in mind:
Maintain Communication
One of the most important factors in getting them to the point of asking for and accepting help is simply, Communication.
If there isn't any communication, no help is possible. So avoid those big fights and keep your indignation out of the way. Keep talking.
Do your best to stay in good communication with the person. This would mean any communication at all. "How's the weather?" "How about taking in a ball game this weekend?" Even, "Can I borrow your hedge trimmer?" ANY communication is better than none.
Refuse to Enable Their Self-Destructive Behavior
Don't make it easy for the addict to continue their destructive behavior. Drug abuse has very uncomfortable consequences. As long as the abuse continues, the reasons to use drugs are out-weighing the need to stop. In order to tip those scales, the necessities to quit drinking or drugging must be fully experienced. It can be a big mistake to try to lessen the natural consequences of drug abuse. Bailing him out of jail mere hours after his arrest might be more for your benefit than his. Or paying the lawyer fees so she can keep her driver's license after a DUI sends the wrong message. It could be setting her up for more of the same problems, or worse. Your efforts should all be aimed at helping them make the choice to get help and stop using drugs or alcohol.
When the person does see the light and decides to truly seek change,
Get them to professional treatment, ASAP!
Don't waste the opportunity. When they're asking for help is really the only time you can help them. That may involve a professional intervention, but it has to include a good, drug-free treatment. Not an out-patient, 28 day affair where they sit around in a circle and talk about getting high, but a flat-out, three or four months of live-in, full-time work on their addiction. They need time to really dry-out, get their systems clean and be able to look at the problem from a distance in order to see clearly again.
When treatment is completed, it will still be up to them. But they will be in a different place now, and it will be a place that they achieved, themselves. And that will make all the difference in the world.
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