Love: Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; attraction; affection felt by lovers; affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests; warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion; the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration; unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: a god or personification of love
For some time, I have thought about writing on the topic of love. It is a very important quality that can improve each of our lives.
One of the challenges in describing love in the English language is we have only one word to make pronouncements such as I love my children or I love my car. On the other hand, Spanish has close to two dozen words that infer some level of love.
For the purpose of this article, I am referring to the love that relates to the interaction and thinking between you and other people, not material objects, experiences, or the score in a game of tennis.
Most romantic novelists would have you believe love is a chemical reaction between two people that results in amazing internal feelings. While that may be true initially, research tells us that feeling fades within 2 years.
So where does love come from, 25 years into a relationship?
The answer is by choice and by being intentional with your mindset. Mort Fertel's book Marriage Fitness outlines the steps a couple must take to stay in love. It takes effort but the result is a deep, connected relationship.
Without daily acts of connection that reflect and support love, no couple would stay together or, if they did, they wouldn't be happy.
Contrary to many common beliefs, love is a choice and mindset is not a feeling. At its core, love cares about putting others above yourself. It is selfless in its engagement of others. That does not mean wimpy or spineless; love is an attitude of deference and genuine consideration for others.
Love is a foretaste for other behaviors in your life. For example, you will need love to be patient, kind, and giving to others. The Beatles said it best in their song, All You Need Is Love. When we live in the character trait of love, amazing things are possible for each of us.
What words represent the opposite of love? Hate, arrogance, loathing, indifference? You cannot be in a state of love and hate at the same time. Would you rather deal with a store clerk who is in a state of love or hate? What about a parent, husband, wife, brother, sister, friend, supplier, sales rep, doctor, child, business partner, teacher, and every other relationship you can think of?
Most of us would prefer to interact with individuals who are in a mindset of love.
Why?
1. It is a positive experience. The interaction is with someone who cares rather than a person who is angry and upset.
2. We usually get better results because people are more willing to engage when care and kindness are demonstrated.
As a society, we can be quick to judge those who are different than we are. We may demonstrate intolerance. I am not suggesting we should accept everyone at face value or even admire their behavior, but we can approach them with a mindset of love. That will get us further and in a more enjoyable manner than a negative attitude will.
In the Action Steps below, I outline ideas on the Power of Love.
The Power of Love!
1. Contrary to many beliefs, love is a choice, not a feeling. That is why so many personal relationships break down; when the feelings leave, so does love and so does the partner! When love is a choice, that doesn't have to happen.
2. When we are acting in a mindset of love, we find the best in ourselves and in others. And we are more tolerant.
3. What about you? Would others call you a caring or loving individual? Are business and personal interactions with you enjoyable or difficult?
4. What can you do to conduct yourself better in behaviors like patience, kindness, giving, and caring for others before yourself?
5. Think of an example where you and another person wanted to do different activities and you did not defer; you insisted on doing what you wanted. Next time, do what someone else wants to do, even though it's not your choice or preference.
6. Love perseveres and does not give up. It gives when others quit. That might mean doing homework with your kids when you are tired, listening to your partner when you are in the middle of something else, supporting your friend through a difficult time even though that requires you to give up your favorite activity, and so on. Think of a couple of possibilities where you can embrace that kind of persevering love.
7. Loving yourself is part of this process. When you don't have high self-worth, it is difficult to love others. Consider completing our Self-Worth Inventory to better understand the areas where you can increase your love for yourself and others.
8. No one is perfect. When you act without love, acknowledge it, let go of any guilt, and move back to love as quickly as possible.
9. Love in its purest form can never be destroyed or taken away from you because it is in your heart and mind. That in itself is a powerful revelation, your love can never be taken away from you. Your love will not always be received or accepted as you would like, but your love does not stop because someone rejected you. Only you can turn off that mindset.
10. Imagine a place where most people have a mindset of caring and love. That is a pretty exciting and powerful place. I experienced it when the Winter Olympics were hosted in Vancouver, BC. Thousands of individuals were in a mindset of celebration, caring, and love. I can't describe it. You had to be there but, believe me, it was amazing!
11. I encourage each of you to step up and play and live in love more than you have before. If you do, we all will be better for it!
Until next time, keep Living On Purpose.
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