When I counsel people with depression and anxiety, they often say that they don't understand why they feel depressed or anxious. People who have a good job, a good loving family, and enough money get confused over their feelings. Consequentially they don't get any sympathy form their friends or family because they don't understand it either. The client then feels guilty for feeling depressed and anxious which makes the unwanted feelings worse.
The first thing to consider is that they might have an organic problem, or a chemical imbalance in the brain. Depression can be caused by a lack of serotonin or dopamine in the brain. These naturally occurring chemicals make us feel good. If we did not have serotonin then the everyday tasks we perform, such as driving to work or paying bills would be so depressing that we would start crying at the thought of doing them. Severely depressed people often experience this. Without dopamine we would never get excited about a vacation, a night out, or good news. If this is happening to you you may need medication. Anxiety can be caused when certain chemicals are not shut off and the brain continues to produce them, consequentially you do not calm down from the anxiety.
Perhaps surprisingly, there can be negative aspects of having what you want. Anxiety, and even anger can increase when you start a new job if the job is stressful. It can increase when you have a new baby because you worry about their care and safety. Often when you encounter your fears over a period of time they decrease as you repeatedly see that the baby is safe and you are faring well on your job. If this is not happening then your anxiety is understandable.
One reason people go to therapy is they have obsessive thoughts about potential danger (anxiety) or obsessive thoughts that life is no good (depression). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps you understand why you hold on to the thoughts, and continue to feel depressed or anxious. When you understand why you feel the way you do, you stop feeling guilty about it. Feeling guilty can exacerbate the depression.
Another challenge when you feel depressed and anxious is getting the people in your life to stop questioning why you feel that way. You probably get tired of hearing "Look at all that you have, get over it". Sometimes your spouse will question why they are not making you happier, then you feel worse. If you explain that it is chemical and you will take medications, or your therapist is helping you that could lead to understanding. If you are in therapy the therapist could urge you to bring family members into the session to help them understand. NAMI is an organization that has support groups for family members to understand mental illness. You are not alone if you have the illness or if someone in your family does.
If you are anxious and depressed when everything is good in your life, this article will help you understand it. You do not have to be confused or feel guilty about it. This article includes resources that you and your family can turn to.
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